D3 body, D1 cock
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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