the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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