he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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