So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
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Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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