Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize