Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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