Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
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Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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