im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
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For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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