Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
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I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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