Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize