He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
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You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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