Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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