help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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