hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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