so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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