It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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