Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize