I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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