If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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