On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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