The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
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i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
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Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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