How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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