where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize