Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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