She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My pussy is not your playground.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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