Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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