cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize