Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize