i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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