You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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