He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize