Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this beer tastes like vomit already
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize