girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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