so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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