I just pynch a tree in the face
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize