..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize