She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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