My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize