He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
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In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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