you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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