I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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