i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize