I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize