Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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