We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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