Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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