I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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