Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this boner is exhausting
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Someone came in the potted fern
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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