All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have feelings that need drinking.
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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