I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize